Originally sent in a mass email on 4-5-09....
Hi everyone,
I have new information on my condition and I owe it to each of my friends and family to at least share the latest news. Last week I was feeling so bad that I finally picked up the phone and called my mom who then called into work to come be with me. Chris was at work and unreachable. When she got there, I was in probably one of the worst states that I have ever been. Long story short, I have been bounced back and forth from coverage, and since November they have dropped me and I havent seen a doctor since then. Its not something that I let happen, or havent been trying to fix. We have been going round and round with these people, and when I called my mom, I was in such a defeated state of mind, that I didnt feel strong, I didnt feel like fighting anymore. Needless to say I spent all Monday in the emergency room. When my mother talked to someone from Susan G. Komen and they found out my port hadnt been flushed in so long, the lady almost came from Canada to take me herself. A blod clot can occur and kill me instantly since I havent had it flushed... do you think any of the bazillions of doctors over 2 years have told me that. NO!!!!! Now I also find out I might have it replaced because if they do flush it, and there is a clot formed in the tube, then I die anyway. It was traumatizing enough the first time. So here I am in the emergency room on Monday for over 10 hours. I finally got new xrays and found 6-7 new places in my system that the cancer has spread to. Another on my spine, both my hips, both sides of my ribs, my pelvis, and my femur bone (thigh). Oh and appearantly I had a broken rib that I healed from but dont ask me when I broke a rib... have no idea. After my mother has been on the phone for countless hours, they got me into a CT scan yesterday (miracle I got in so fast) and I finally see a doctor on Tues (another miracle) coming up. I know that I am getting ready for the battle of my life. I have high hopes with a new set of eyes, with a new mind on my case that she will choose an aggressive treatment this time. I have been set aside, I have felt like a science project, I have felt like no one cares, I have felt like the doctors only care about money. My last doctor changed my medicine and dropped me before she found out if it was working.. and hello new tumors. URGH! I have been trying to mentally prepare for all that I am about to endure. The woman that I met at Gilda's last week says her chemo knocks her off her feet for 2 weeks. 2 weeks! I am already having a hard enough time trying to appear some kind of normal to my kids. I already struggle at times to not cry in front of them as it is. I put on a brave face for seeing people so that they feel comfortable. In doing this, they think Im cured and dont call.. or so I hear. I pray every day that Jesus brings me the strength I need so my kids see that no matter what happens at the end of all this, they will know I tried my ass off. Over the last 2 years since my diagnosis, family has come and gone. Whether they get on with their lives without us or not is fine, we have had no choice. I am here to say that we do not have room in our hearts for it any more. The sorrow that comes from people that we love should not even be a factor at this time in our lives. My kids have done nothing to anyone, and they are young and dont understand why people that have been there for them all their lives arent there now when it matters most. I dont have the answers. We are ascending to a higher thinking that doesnt involve letting the people you love down. Knowing that my kids will care about each and every one of you no matter what gives me a nice feeling. They are not taught to hate, or to judge. Each person has their own circumstances. I have taught them to recognize disgenuine people and thats where it stops. Thats when we say God Bless You and move on because only God can help you. I am saying for all of us, that we have no ill feelings for anyone. I will take on all the pain for them. I take pain that will make most men cower to the ground and I can do it smiling. I try to make everyone else feel comfortable around me. Right now all I say is its ok. I dont have time for it anymore. So be a part of our lives or dont, I am saying now that we are not looking back. We wont be there later for people that come back and come around only after the hard work is done. Then we all say that is not a very good person and we not only dont need it, we dont want it in our lives. I am blunt and I dont care right now..I dont exactly have many other chances to say what I feel. I am fighting for my life here, my husband, son and daughter are just as much in the fight as I am. We know who loves us. We love everyone and all of you are in our hearts. At the very least dealing with cancer has made us stronger. It gives me an opportunity to teach my children compassion for others who dont have it in their hearts to be the bigger person. Dealing with cancer has made me realize what is most important now while I am facing the hardest part... compassion for others. Not making judgements. Put your pettiness to the side. Smile. Hug someone else. That hug might just make a person decide not to give up. It may be the thing that makes all the difference in their lives, that makes them think someone cares. It may make the difference of life or death, literally. Im not only talking about towards me, I am talking about being kind towards others. Not being fake. No drama. Not saying you dont want drama, then stirring it up. Gossiping. Its such a waste of time when all that matters is loving each other and being there for each other. To all my friends that have called over the last couple of days, and I am sorry I havent been able to speak to anyone just yet..all you will hear right now is crying...lol.. so this email is about all I can do.. I will do my best to update you all and let you know what the doctor said. Please forward to anyone I missed, I dont have everyones email. Most of all right now I need positive thoughts sent my way, LOADS of prayers, and most of all hope. My tank is just about on empty.. lets get it filled back up...lol.. The people I recognize the most is my husband Chris, and my kids. Chris's strength amazes me. Christopher and Kristen are such good kids. I know they needs your prayers as well. To all my wonderful friends and family that have been there for me no matter what, you are all a part of the strength that keeps me and my family going and I am forever grateful, I truly love each one of you. Peace be with you all.
About Renee and my blog!
- Renee Bravo
- Dallas, TEXAS, United States
- I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer at the age of 29 years old. I am a work in progress. I am learning, growing, and trying to raise awareness for Early Detection. I believe in Girl Power and the power of Prayer. I am a mother, a wife, a strong woman in the 30th century. I have zero history in my family, and I have tested negative for the BRCA gene. I should not be facing this right now, but I am. I figure its for a reason. I decided to share my experiences more for awareness but also a place for my family to get updates. I do not send out email updates to anyone, I post it here. Here I am, I hold nothing back. If I ask anything, its to learn something from what I have been through, and make your life better because of it, treat someone better because of it, love someone more genuinely because of it. And most important of all, make sure all the women in your life have regular mammograms or MRI's. No choice. I believe 40 is too long to wait. Women today need to start early. I would love to hear or talk to any of you. God Bless.
