Thursday, June 5, 2008


Hi, So I thought about logging on many times to delete what I have written. I dont care for anyone to know what I think. It serves some people never to hear from me because of their actions, then they get a post to read and its so exciting... yeah right. I have decided that this is my blog and I can do whatever I want and I will. You can jump off a bridge for all I care if you have a problem with it. I didnt think the Lord could make me more direct. I have been shown I have no time to waste and that certainly goes for people as well.
I have been wrestling with the fact of going to work. I dont think I am ready. I am tired than most people. I just think it takes me longer to re coop my energy than everyone else. Also my medicine makes me tired too. I just cant sit here happily knowing I could do more if I were 100%. I would be into the 6 figures by know if I could be let loose. My hubby wants me to stay home forever, take care of the house, watch the house and make sure someone is always here. Well that is taken care of for sure. I love it here and we are making it no matter what. I cant believe that its been over a year now. I had a tragedy in my family. I lost my beloved Michael, my puppy, my dog, my heart. I loved that dog more than anything. He stayed with me when Chris had to work and it was so hard to be here everyday alone. I cried every single day just because it was hard to get through, to even get up. And who was with me, Michael. He took care of me and I took care of him. He followed me around everywhere and scratched on any door that was closed between he and I. He was my best friend and he was closer to my heart than most. Right there with my kids. It was devastating to lose him. I cried and cried, even today I got upset. You see there was another litter and I kept the girl from the next litter and they were friends. She looks just like Michael but she is completely brown. Michael was all black. I know this sounds unbelievable but we even taught him to say mama. He did, I swear it. I love him even still and I visit his grave everyday and send him love. He was viciously attacked by a neighbors dog and was killed almost instantly. He waited for me to run over there before he took his last breath, and sighed and was gone. Noooooooo! I want him back. Michael please come back to me... I told Chris that he was with Loran now and he was taking care of her. That is the only thing that brings me comfort. I got picts with him thank God. I need him so bad. Chris said that he left because I didnt need him anymore, I was healed. I believe it too. I joined an exercise study. My doct believes that it does someone like me extra extra good. I have lost alot of weight, now I need to keep my muscles too. I finally went to Gildas House. It was pretty nice. They have facilities for me to use for free with this study. Even yoga I believe. I havent done it yet but soon.
Dear Lord,
Please watch over Michael and keep him busy with Tbones until I can get to him again. I know he is happy there. Thank you for providing for us no matter what. Jesus brings us comfort to no end, please fill our hearts with joy and continue to keep my son energized during his schooling, he is doing great, please keep my daughter busy this summer with lots of playing and learning. I also cant leave out Chris the man that has taken most excellent care of me. He saved my life literally. I couldnt have made it this past year without him. He makes sure I have my medicine no matter where he is or what he is doing, he stops and gets my pills, gives them to me to take and water, and I love him for it. Its so tedious but important I stay on a schedule do to the withdrawl properties that the medication holds. I have already been through that and it was some of the worst days of my life. Guide me to pick the correct major for both Chris and myself and help our school experience to be nice.