Friday, August 21, 2009
Reflecting is something that has caused me to realize that all in all, I am a pretty lucky girl. I have a great husband, I have 2 beautiful children. One of each, girl and a boy. That right there is enough to make me sit back and reflect. Some people want kids and cant have them. Some people don't want kids and wait until they are old as dirt to decide they want a kid, then cant or wont. There are tons of ladies out there who are still looking for that special guy. I found mine a long time ago. I lucked into having children at a young age, when I had enough energy to tend to them. My K is still young and going strong, but she helps much more than she needs. They are most wonderful. I told my mother that the way things ended up, if I didn't have kids young, I wouldn't have had kids. I know that is looking on the bright side. I still have my mind, I can still function, and I know that a lot of people have it worse than I do. I am humble. I know I am spiritually gaining boatloads, I know that mentally I am tougher than you could imagine. I know that inside, you couldn't rattle me if you jumped up and down on my head. I am steady. I have some of the best friends that a girl could ask for. I have loyalty. I have my grace. I have love. I do not regret. I learn and move forward. I would say all in all, I am dam lucky. And when I come out of this, still bobbin and weaving, I will have even achieved a new level of luck. I am a survivor. I am a hustler. I am a fighter. I will always fight for what is right, for what is good, and for what makes sense. I love hard, I care intensely, and I never walk away. I am here. I am happy. I am lucky. I have love surrounding me, lifting me up, and carrying me forward. I even love the haters because without them then you wouldn't know that you have something good in your life. My man will move the sun for me if its what I wanted. I will swim the sea for him if he asked me. I even have best friends. I don't sit here and say I don't have this, or that, or woe is me. Hell with all that. I do have everything that I want. I have had it for a long time. The rest was just maintenance. I am meant for something special. I get to say that I helped save lives! Can that be any cooler? I am rambling by now, I now it...lol... but I had to push that point home. I love me no matter how hard it can be at times. I sit here with a cracked rib, a steel leg, constant pain, unable to bear children, radiated, chemofied and I have to spend the rest of my life going to doctors. But you know what, I will go through every bit of it because I know how I am cared for by my friends. And my true family, knows that this is a learning process and they are learning right along with me. Its a roller coaster ride, no doubt.
at 12:25 AM