Its Friday today. I have tried to do nothing but relax today. Yesterday was very traumatizing. The last thing in the day that happened was we had tornado touch down not blocks from the house. I was outside just a few minutes before and saw the hook cloud. It is the beginnings of a tornado for people who live outside of Texas. This same hook cloud was what formed the tornado that ended up tearing off roofs of buildings. These were big concrete warehouse buildings and big semi trucks that just got picked up like it was nothing. No one was killed thank the Good Lord. It rained so much. It was remnants of the tropical storm that came through. Glad its over with and its Friday today needless to say. I spent the day at home with my dogs.
As for my medical issues lately, I figured out today that one of my incisions had a small infection so I know why I have had extra pain since my surgery. Instant relief came after getting it all cleaned up and its already healing nicely. It ended up being a piece of a stitch that was as small as a millimeter. I got it out though. I have had pains in my chest here and there. I wont know anything about that until I get another scan. I am able to go in spurts when it comes to walking or doing anything that requires energy or effort. I still do it. There is nothing that is going to keep me down. I will always get back up. I will always try again. I will never stop. I will not back down for any reason, for anyone, ever. I end up healing and I am reminded that yes my body still works when even a tiny piece of stitch is able to push itself out of my body. Its great for me to be reminded of that. Believe it or not, its something that crosses my mind from time to time. I am forced to pay attention to every little thing that happens with my body because its a habit now. I actually cant stand it sometimes. It causes me to worry at times when I don't need to or shouldn't be.
This type of thing can drive you crazy if you let it. Every pain, every burning or tingling I have, headaches I get, it could be just about anything. I do know the different pains though. The cancer pain, the bone cancer pain, the nerve pain, and the aching are all different kinds of pain. They all stack up on top of each other and a lot of times that is what I take and endure all the while smiling for everyone so THEY wont be uncomfortable. I think I am making it easier for others, but all that does is make them think that I am just cruising through life with no worries. It ends up working against me in the long run because all people do is gossip. I even had one aunt accuse me of "faking" it. Can you believe that? Well I couldn't make this stuff up. So its just one more person that smiles to my face and talks about me behind my back. You see I have a huge family and I would say that most of them are too busy with their own lives to even bother with me. I have my husband and my 2 kids and my grandmother who really give me support. My aunt Judy and my Uncle Crae are very important to me as well. When I say support it doesn't mean coming to bow down and worship me. I am thankful for just a simple phone call or email just saying hi, and I'm thinking of you. I can testify that when you think that your family doesn't care or you are hurt by the rudeness of family, even moms, dads, brothers or sisters, anyone in your life who abandons you after your diagnosis, the Lord will send you people to replace those others. You will get new friends, new doctors, nurses, fellow patients, counselors, and the list goes on....the ugly will be replaced with joy and love from places you never expected and at times when your not even looking for it or paying attention. Don't give up is the important thing. Never give up. Say every single day "I am not going anywhere", and your body will respond. Faith is a great tool at this time.
That doesn't even scratch the surface of all the things that I go through on a daily basis. I am gathering up the courage to type the latest report that I got from my body scan. They listed all the places that this cancer lurks inside me. Very hard to hear. I can tell you that I could have written that report myself because I feel it inside me. Its trippy to actually see it on the scan, and heart wrenching to hear it confirmed. I let myself cry about it and then I move on. I challenge anyone to hear that type of thing and not cry about it. It will never make me give up, or back down. This cancer picked the wrong person to mess with!
I'm kicking ass people. Join me won't you! Love and peace to everyone. Sending angels and prayers, send them back!
Friday, September 10, 2010
I haven't written anything in a few weeks. So much has been going on that I have been trying to work out. Its been a confusing time in my life. I have been very aware that there is big changes going on in my life and I am just adjusting to everything the best way I can. I keep my strength and I keep my prayers with me at all times. No one can penetrate my zone when it comes to that. I have a fierce aura and I block all negative energy and send it back. I am becoming wiser. I plan to share with you the lessons I am learning and have been through. Its the best way to get it out there so no one has to be hurt or confused just so they can be happy again. I just want to be happy. Seems like too much to ask at times, but you know what... if anything I will make sure of its that. I will be happy everyday, no matter what! Join me wont you!
Love to all,
Love to all,
at 2:13 AM