Thursday, September 30, 2010

Why I Always Believe

I have had the roughest past few months than I have had in a long time. Its been a long time since I can remember myself questioning my place and if I am going in the right direction and if the blog was helping anyone and if I should continue to write and if it was doing any good in this world.
It was only a few days until I got an email on my facebook from the National Breast Cancer Foundation asking if I wanted to be a part of a project they have coming up. I am in the middle of details and meeting. Needless to say that just the simple sign from above that I am doing what I need to be doing. Lead and I shall follow are my prayers tonight!!

Renee B

Friday, September 24, 2010

I had a day full of appointments today. I went for one scheduled appointment originally knowing that there were other things I needed to take care of. I knew that if they could be so kind to fit me while I was there that I would stay. I needed my chemo and also needed to see my nutritionist, the social worker, and the counselor who ended up popping in at the end.

I was pleased to go today which is an unusual thing for me most of the time. I have been forced to hear bad news at each and every doctor visit. For the first years I struggled to get over that part of it. There are 2 sides to every story and there is another side to looking at going to these doctor visits. I finally realized that although the doctors have to deliver the bad news, it is something that has to be done so that you can get to the healing part. I also realized that these teams of doctors are also trying to save me so I need to go and no matter what I hear. I now decide to turn the nervous energy into a positive place. It is something that you have to do if you want to move forward with your treatments.

I am lucky that I absolutely love my team of doctors., I haven't always been able to say that. I am lucky that I can say that now. I had an instinct that would tell me if this was the doctor for me or not. There are some who talk to you as if you are already dead and others that don't talk to you at all, just tell you what to take. I am the type of girl that need information. I think knowledge is power and if you are going through anything like this, the more information you know the better of you are and the better off your treatment plan is or can be. I know that my fellow women out there and are smart enough to know when and where you can find the answers to the questions you are looking for. Email me, we will try and find it anyway I did take myself to the doctor, drove, parked crazy far because there was no
parking in handicap. I walked all the way in there and to be honest I times my meds just right to be working perfectly while I was having to walk and talk to everyone. I was so pleased to see everyone especially the main doctor I was there to see. She truly is one of my angels and I do love going to see her. Maybe that is another reason I was able to turn my thinking around when it comes to going to my appointments. Anyway, I stayed to take care of everything I needed to which included xrays on my shoulder and neck. I can say now that it takes alot out of me when I give my all like that. I have to learn how to proportion myself out or But no, my leg hurt the next days, maybe from the walking, and I was sore no doubt. I was so excited at the time that I ignore all and go for the goal, get the job done. That is how it has to be. Well I think I posted early so sorry if it sent you multiple messages to my followers. Prayers to all!

Renee Bravo

Friday, September 10, 2010

Its Friday today. I have tried to do nothing but relax today. Yesterday was very traumatizing. The last thing in the day that happened was we had tornado touch down not blocks from the house. I was outside just a few minutes before and saw the hook cloud. It is the beginnings of a tornado for people who live outside of Texas. This same hook cloud was what formed the tornado that ended up tearing off roofs of buildings. These were big concrete warehouse buildings and big semi trucks that just got picked up like it was nothing. No one was killed thank the Good Lord. It rained so much. It was remnants of the tropical storm that came through. Glad its over with and its Friday today needless to say. I spent the day at home with my dogs.

As for my medical issues lately, I figured out today that one of my incisions had a small infection so I know why I have had extra pain since my surgery. Instant relief came after getting it all cleaned up and its already healing nicely. It ended up being a piece of a stitch that was as small as a millimeter. I got it out though. I have had pains in my chest here and there. I wont know anything about that until I get another scan. I am able to go in spurts when it comes to walking or doing anything that requires energy or effort. I still do it. There is nothing that is going to keep me down. I will always get back up. I will always try again. I will never stop. I will not back down for any reason, for anyone, ever. I end up healing and I am reminded that yes my body still works when even a tiny piece of stitch is able to push itself out of my body. Its great for me to be reminded of that. Believe it or not, its something that crosses my mind from time to time. I am forced to pay attention to every little thing that happens with my body because its a habit now. I actually cant stand it sometimes. It causes me to worry at times when I don't need to or shouldn't be.

This type of thing can drive you crazy if you let it. Every pain, every burning or tingling I have, headaches I get, it could be just about anything. I do know the different pains though. The cancer pain, the bone cancer pain, the nerve pain, and the aching are all different kinds of pain. They all stack up on top of each other and a lot of times that is what I take and endure all the while smiling for everyone so THEY wont be uncomfortable. I think I am making it easier for others, but all that does is make them think that I am just cruising through life with no worries. It ends up working against me in the long run because all people do is gossip. I even had one aunt accuse me of "faking" it. Can you believe that? Well I couldn't make this stuff up. So its just one more person that smiles to my face and talks about me behind my back. You see I have a huge family and I would say that most of them are too busy with their own lives to even bother with me. I have my husband and my 2 kids and my grandmother who really give me support. My aunt Judy and my Uncle Crae are very important to me as well. When I say support it doesn't mean coming to bow down and worship me. I am thankful for just a simple phone call or email just saying hi, and I'm thinking of you. I can testify that when you think that your family doesn't care or you are hurt by the rudeness of family, even moms, dads, brothers or sisters, anyone in your life who abandons you after your diagnosis, the Lord will send you people to replace those others. You will get new friends, new doctors, nurses, fellow patients, counselors, and the list goes on....the ugly will be replaced with joy and love from places you never expected and at times when your not even looking for it or paying attention. Don't give up is the important thing. Never give up. Say every single day "I am not going anywhere", and your body will respond. Faith is a great tool at this time.

That doesn't even scratch the surface of all the things that I go through on a daily basis. I am gathering up the courage to type the latest report that I got from my body scan. They listed all the places that this cancer lurks inside me. Very hard to hear. I can tell you that I could have written that report myself because I feel it inside me. Its trippy to actually see it on the scan, and heart wrenching to hear it confirmed. I let myself cry about it and then I move on. I challenge anyone to hear that type of thing and not cry about it. It will never make me give up, or back down. This cancer picked the wrong person to mess with!

I'm kicking ass people. Join me won't you! Love and peace to everyone. Sending angels and prayers, send them back!

Renee Bravo
I haven't written anything in a few weeks. So much has been going on that I have been trying to work out. Its been a confusing time in my life. I have been very aware that there is big changes going on in my life and I am just adjusting to everything the best way I can. I keep my strength and I keep my prayers with me at all times. No one can penetrate my zone when it comes to that. I have a fierce aura and I block all negative energy and send it back. I am becoming wiser. I plan to share with you the lessons I am learning and have been through. Its the best way to get it out there so no one has to be hurt or confused just so they can be happy again. I just want to be happy. Seems like too much to ask at times, but you know what... if anything I will make sure of its that. I will be happy everyday, no matter what! Join me wont you!

Love to all,
Renee B.