Grounded?

I am looking for a new way of grounding myself. The whole, I have to slow down thing. I have been restless since my surgery, its tough to recover and have to sit around when things need to be done. I am ordered to rest and stay off of my leg, and all this, and I just cant get it through my thick skull. Its my refusal to accept anything less. I know now that the disappointments that I have felt or been through are only there because something better is coming. It also goes back to control. If I try to control everything then when will I have a chance to sit back and let good things happen to me. I do the control thing because we have a choice. And I make a choice. Making a choice and being controlling are one and the same thing when it comes down to it. I am being forced to sit back, relax, and heal. Done, Done and Done!

TOOO Much

One thing I have learned is that my former life was all about other people. I learned that my whole life was taking care of other people. I never took care of myself. I made sure my responsibilities were taken care of. I worked. I never worked at a job that I wasnt a master at. I am a sought after in my field. In several fields actually...lol.. I built a name for myself and capitalized off of it. Its what I taught myself to do since my first job. Also, being an assistant, executive and personal, its what I was paid for as well. I took care of others not only in my personal life but its what I was paid to do at times. I started to not take care of myself I guess. Not on purpose, but I just always found something that I thought was more important than what I needed. Its not cool. I am an important part of my family and their everyday. I am depended upon. If I dont take care of myself then the whole thing crumbles which is something that most working mothers and wife's don't think about. Its very important to realize this before something major happens. Even if its a cold, you need to slow down and take care of yourself. ITS A MUST!

LIFE's Balance

So I already announced that my niece was born. I am so thankful that our prayers are answered and she came out healthy, happy, and content. I had this whole thing in the back of my mind of the whole life in life out thing. It has been my experience that this is how it works, how things get balanced. Sorta like the whole famous people die in 3's thing. On the day that Lisa went in to the hospital to get induced, Mona her dog also went into labor. She had one puppy and was still in labor even after Alyssa was born. My mom ended up taking her to the vet where they delivered the puppy, and Mona made it through the surgery and came home. When she came home my mom cared for her but sadly she didnt make it. Nor did any of her puppies. Not only that, but my little dog CoCo whom Chris and I rescued also passed the same day. She was killed in front of my sisters house where they have the street blocked off and are doing construction on the road. May not seem a big deal to some people who dont get the whole dog thing, but this is no doubt a big loss in our family. I know in my heart that Mona and CoCo saved me. I got to stay and be with my family a little longer. I was not called to even out the balance just yet. I still have work to do, I still have living to do. I still have stocks to buy...lol... anyway.. I wanted to pay respects to our family dogs. We have all but retired being in the dog business, we can't take losing another one. My Bits, who is Mona's puppy from her first litter, the only survivor is my one and only now. He is my everything. He loves me just as much as I love him....him so Bity...

Shelby Mustang Convertible

I always wondered where my love of cars comes from. I am not a regular girl. I love cars. I love going fast. When all this crap went down my ride at the time was brand new silver Mustang with black racing stripes. It was the best car. Part of the devastating thing was giving it up. I hereby state that I am making it up. I decided that I am going to get a Shelby Convertible. I havent decided the color. I like black, I love the blue one, I love the green one... but I will have it painted anyway. I wont accept anything less. I had to give up my mustang. Do you know the pain of separation that has caused. I now know that my dad was an avid car guy. His car when he met my mom was maroon 69 camero blacktop with magwheels. Mesquite cops used to harass him too by pulling him over every five seconds because of how the car was jacked up to within 1/2 an inch of the legal limit. I know he loved cars. I loooovvve cars. I am a car girl. I will have my mustang again. I am patient trust me. I will wait until I get the one I want. I will wait until I find the one I want. I will save until I can pay almost the whole thing off. It will be a convertible. What color you ask?No other than purple of course. A nice dark, sweet looking purple. And you think you will find me at home after that. I will ride to my appointments in that car, no problem. I would be fighting to go. Vroomvroom baby!

16

I perhaps have the best son on the planet. He is a shining star in the world of crap that is everyday life. He makes me smile no matter what is happening. He can say or do something that is classic Mijoman. I always say if that is all I did with my life was contribute this great kid, I would be fine. I mean that. I contributed to a person that is going to make a difference in this world. My daughter is feeding off of what he does and thought it was not ok when I asked her what she wanted to do when she grew up. She told me the Air Force like Christopher like I was supposed to know that. My boy has been a junior technically since the 2nd semester of his sophmore year. He is a great looking boy. Every mother says that, but come on. You have seen him...LOL.. now I know that he is meant for great things. I hope to think that I had at least 1% to do with that... I wont claim it all like some parents do. He is his own person, he makes his own decisions. I can only try to provide him with all the information, all sides to consider and know that I have made a great mind that is street smart, book smart, has the looks and the attitude to close the deal. I have a legacy already. 2 of them. And that is more than a lot of people can say. He will carry on the name proudly. MY SON, CHRISB2!

Personal Prayer from Joel Osteen Ministries

Renee we love you here at Lakewood Church and we are fervently praying for you. Meditate on and confess the attached scriptures until they take root and come alive in your heart. Please let me know if they are helpful. God bless!Psalm 103: 1-3 Praise the Lord, O my soul. And all that is within me, praise His holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul. And forget none of His acts of kindness. He forgives all my sins. He heals all my diseases.God’s Word makes it perfectly clear that it is God’s will that you are to be well, healthy, and whole. The same blood that Jesus shed on Calvary’s tree for your redemption was also shed that you might be free from sickness and disease. Matthew 8:17 says that Jesus Himself bore our sicknesses and carried our diseases. He did that for you; and if He carried them for you, then you don’t have to carry them. Healing is God’s promise to you. But just because it’s God’s will for you life doesn’t mean it will automatically happen. You have to believe His promises, reach out for them in faith, and snatch them for yourself. Everything you receive from God you receive by faith. A key factor in releasing your faith is the words that come out of your mouth. There is power released into you life when you speak God’s Word. It is a vital part of appropriating God’s promises and activation spiritual forces that will bring God’s promises to manifestation. Please see the attached healing scriptures compiled by Pastor Dodie Osteen.The Lord does not delay and is not tardy or slow about what He promises, but the Bible says the He is alert and active, watching over His Word to perform it. (2 Peter 3:9, Jeremiah 1:12) Meditate on and confess the promises of God until they become more real to you than your challenge. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)Proverbs 4: 20-26 (NLT) My child, pay attention to what I say. Listen carefully to my words. Don’t lose sight of them. Let them penetrate deep into your heart, for they bring life to those who find them, and healing to their whole body.

PRAYER

Father God, I come before You with thanksgiving and praise. You are holy and just, and Your incredible mercy endures forever. I am awed by Your great love for me. I recognize it in all that Jesus did. He lived to do Your will. Therefore, I know that it is Your will to do good and heal all who are oppressed of the devil. I have no doubt, Father, that healing is mine, in Jesus’ name.Father, Your Word says that in Jesus all of Your great and precious promises are for me. By Your Word, I can confidently declare every one of them to be accomplished in my life. I choose to believe, Father. I stand in the face of my circumstances and declare Your Word as the final authority. Jesus bore my sicknesses and carried my pains; the chastisement for my peace was upon Him and with the stripes that wounded Him, I am healed. I receive you healing in my mind and body, in Jesus’ name.Satan, I command you and every devil to take your filthy hands off of me. Your sickness, diseases, and maladies shall not reign in me. I am in Christ Jesus and He has set me free!Body, I command you now, by the authority of God’s Word: be healed! I command every cell to work properly. Unhealthy cells, I tell you now that you are flooded with God’s healing power. Healing, pour through my body until it is in perfect working order.Father, I know that Your Word is alive, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword. It has within it the very power of fulfillment. Therefore, I seal the fate of all ailments by declaring it to
You now, in Jesus’ name!
Duron A. Dones
Pastoral Care Dept.
Joel Osteen Ministries
Lakewood Church

Fill in the Gaps

Upon rereading the postings I need to fill in some gaps, about the iv they had to redo 3 times, the physical therapy, the medical bed, the crutch, the bedpan, going up and down stairs, the progress I have made, and the way I feel. I am glad I did the surgery.

So the IV. They initially put it in my wrist. When I had to walk after the surgery with a walker, it moved the needle so much the medicine was coming out the hole on the other side..yes.. it was a trip. The lady came and moved the IV. Then it was infected or something because my whole wrist turned red. The nurse moved it one more time. This time it stuck. 3 different nurses mind you.

Now the physical therapy. Well the lady came. She gave me A +++ all the way around. She came and taught me how to go up stairs to my house, how to walk properly. I was basically given all rights to put full weight on my new leg if necessary. It was still very sore though. I had 2 big incisions in my leg with stitches that also almost got infected. See I heal faster than the 2 week time for the appointment. Those suckers were ready to come out, so I took them out myself and it felt immediately better. No can do waiting 3 more days with it feeling like that. I got clearance from the physical therapy area of the hospital.

The medical bed they dropped off at my house about 2 weeks before the surgery. It was weird having a medical bed in my house. I wanted it picked up almost immediately. I dont ever plan to need a medical bed at my home for any reason. I wont do it. My mom convinced me to keep it just until after my surgery "just in case" and I am like ok. FINE! I did it. Now I kept that thing until I had to and guess what, I had it picked up just as fast. Thank you, and yes the guys name was Chris that brought it too me. I have had a weird parallel to names that I have in my life are always the ones taking care of me. The guy that did my surgery was names Kristopher, with a k. I am like, I dont care I will take it. And it just happened to be Dr. McDreamy too. Well Dr McDreamy knows me real well now..lol. I take it as a sign that I am on the right path. The right people are taking care of me. Until I fell strongly enough, I will change care. Right now I am cool.

You should have seen me trying to use all the tools they have for you to use when you have a leg surgery. Walking with a walker, crutch, its unnatural to a person that is on the go. I have things to do man. So Christopher looks for my crutches that my uncle gave me 2 years ago when I couldnt walk and I never used it then. So now when I needed them we could only find one. So here I am hobbling around with one crutch. Its was comical to me. I used the walker like I was supposed to. I played by the rules for as long as I am supposed to. I refused to use it around my house, or in closed rooms. If I was walking long hallways, or a long stretch then fine. The twwo weeks are up and I wont use it now. People are always like, you look good. How am I supposed to look? I am not going to let my swagger go just because of some little cold. You best believe, make up on, hair did, clothes pressed, and now I havent worn my heels in a couple years, but hey heres wishin.


Now the bedpan. These fools told me to go in a bedpan. You would have laughed at me. Its not natural people. I guess if you absolutely had to. But you know what, the night of my surgery, after all that ICU crap, after all the pain and suffering, I would not use a bedpan damit. So I walked on my new leg from the very first night. I was up almost before they could get the sentence out that I could get up if I felt like I could. Hey I am about forward progress people. I cant make it happen fast enough.

So my mother lives on the second floor and there is a flight of stairs that go up to her apartment. And its about 15 steps or so. Just what I need right now. So needless to say I havent visited her for a minute. But I can do it just fine now.

Now I feel ok. My family wont let me have these long days filled with lots of crap. I dont think about it anymore. The only reminder I have that I have to do this is the doctor appointments. Pretty big reminder I know, especially as many as I have. You should see my file. It is very very thick. It takes about 10-15 minutes for any new doctor that has to see me to go through my file. I am taking the medicine like I am supposed to. Its still alot, but I have been feeling no pain. I only take what I need to take. I did medicate for the whole 2 weeks. Now I am backing off a little to see what it really feels like, not with pain meds. The end goal is the less pills the better. I have already had to up size my pill bag once.

I am glad I did the surgery. If anyone had a crack or lesion or fracture on their femur this is the same fix you would get. I have just gotten what any normal person would have gotten in this situation. I wont go down without a fight, you better believe it.

rB

NIECE HAS ARRIVED

My lovely niece was born on the 9th of June. I chose to have my surgery before she was born on purpose so I would have no problems holding her, seeing her, picking her up..

She is beautiful!

Back in business

Darn dog chewed the internet cord. I have been jotting down my notes. I have to catch up bigtime!

Home From Hospital

I am very tired. I wrote this whole thing out already, and the computer didnt save it. I am just argh! over it. My fellow computer nerds out there kn0w my pain. I saved it DARNIT! And the program did not keep up with me. I type tooo fast. Owell. I will just do it again. In the mean time, I have a picture until I can get up enough strength to get back over here and sit and type it all again...





This is the top part of my leg and the bruising that has come with it. Owie. So I will get all the rest back on here after I take a rest.


Long story short, the 1 hour surgery took 3. I was in intensive care for 8 hours after that. I stopped breathing 3 times. I finally got a room of my own that night. I was only supposed to be there 1 day. I was in 3. I finally got home last night. I will fill in all the details shortly. Time to go take my meds, rest and I will be back very soon.


Thanks to my Chris, Christopher, Kristen, Mom , Lisa, Joe, Judy, Crae, Mikey, Jessica, Di, Grandma C. My hospital stay was bearable because of you guys. Mom, Chris, I couldnt have done it without you.


Shout out to Amelia, June, and Kim my f/b pals. I got your wall posts. I havent had a chance to check the rest of my messages. Thanks Jorge & Janet for the lasagna dinner tonight. Not to mention the strawberries, cherries, pineapple, and salad. You guys are the best. Lord knows I wont be cooking for a couple weeks! Its ok, I am bionic now I just need to fully heal.

My mother also said that Jesus was nailed too. I laughed. I never thought of that. She asked me if I put it in my blog. So here it is. I am nailed just like Jesus. I often make comparisons. If he can endure these atrocities then I can humbly suffer in silence in his honor. It makes me feel good about the pain if you can believe it. Ok, she has really lost it...lol... is what some of you may be thinking. I have a sense of humor about it also. I am just put in my place when I put it in those terms. Jesus Walks! and I will too...

Love to all!
Glory to God!
Thanks for all the prayers!
Thanks for sending angels!

Keep them coming!
Renee B.

Home from Hospital

Note: Recovered my lost draft, high five to my fellow geeks out there. I wasnt going to give up that easy... anyway... on with the post...



I was discharged from the hospital yesterday in the evening time. I would like to start from the beginning and talk about the surgery. I was very nervous, had almost no sleep as I previously posted. I knew I needed to do this. I chose to do this. And I was ready, believe me, just a little nervous. So I was told to be there at 8am. The second surgery of the day. Chris gets us there around 10 minutes early. We had already gotten the kids to schools. It so happened to be the day of the award ceremony for Kristen's perfect attendance. I was so down when I realized it was the same day. When I scheduled the surgery I only wanted the first day available. I wasnt even thinking about her award ceremony. Luckily my lovely aunt Judy offered to go video record it for me so I wouldnt miss it. My girl had her own cheering section, everyone went to support her. She set her mind to perfect attendance and ended up getting straight a's along with perfect attendance. I will update you on the trophy situation later. For those who were there you know.. for all others I will explain in another post. So... I get changed, and into my bed. I had already done all the pre-op things I needed to do. Basically all I had to do today was show up, get changed and get into bed. All complete!





So now I go to get my IV in. The woman decided to put it on the part of my wrist that bends, not thinking about the fact that I will be using a walker later... I will talk about the suffering I endured because of the placement of the IV. SO...


I am ready to go, I kiss Chris goodbye. The last I see him he is standing in the middle of the hallway telling me he loves me, holding my bag and my book. The last he saw of me, my hands were raised in the air in the champion stance, and I yelled, I AM COMING BACK BIONIC! He laughed. Through the double doors I go.





They wheel me into a room, like a holding place to double make sure my identity, they ask me my name, bday, and why I am there, which leg and all. I almost marked up my left leg and said, do not operate..wrong leg...lol...no really..lol. Anyway, all that is done, and a woman comes in the room and says, "Im taking her." and off I go. She wheels me to the operating area.





I am laying on the stretcher and a man comes up and says, "I am going to give you something to make you relax." Thats the last thing I remember....lol.



The next thing I know...

I wake up to someone sorta shaking me asking me if I am awake and telling me its over, Im done. Im like, no way. I had to ask the next lady walking by if I was really done. She says yes, so I was like, I must be done..lol.





Then all the sudden all I remember is pain like I have never ever ever felt before. It was excruciating. I started immediately crying hard..harder than I ever have. I told them to give me something now, please. After I got my senses a little when the pain came, I realized I was in intensive care. The surgery that was only supposed to be 45 minutes, took 3 hours in my case. The pain medicine they were giving me was almost a joke. I asked them if they looked at my charts and if they knew my tolerance was very very high. The medicine they gave me for the next 8 hours in ICU did nothing for me, the pain was so bad that I asked them why they woke me up. I was pissed at this point. The pain doctor that was paged over and over again, didnt c0me for almost 25 minutes. At this point I was more than pissed, crying, and my leg was felt like someone was taking a sledgehammer to it over and over again. I started practically yelling, "Where is she, why isnt she here, this is ridiculous, please someone do something." The nurse who had to have approval to give me anything else from the doctor that was taking forever just gave it to me. She said she wasn't waiting anymore. The medicine she gave me had no affect. The lady got there finally and I said.... "Where were you?" "I cant take it, please....."


I overheard the list of meds they gave me. It was enough to knock an elephant out. It still had no affect on me. I finally asked if they can just put me back to sleep. She said "Do you think that will help?" I was like... YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told her that I didnt feel anything when I was asleep. She asked if I remembered what they gave me to relax me at the beginning of all this, and that is what she would give me. I said THANK YOU THANK YOU... PLEASE GIVE IT TO ME. I also in the midst of all my crying apologized over and over to all involved. I told them I wasnt trying to be difficult, that it hurt so bad. I then just remember, nothing but being half asleep and half awake. I was hyperventilating until I finally got enough oxygen to help me relax fully. It was finally enough to make me relax, and try to recover a little bit from this surgery. Then all I remember is all the alarms going off and everyone saying breathe. breathe Renee. Apparently I stopped breathing 3 times during all the pain medicine fiasco. I, each time, was able to come back quickly and start breathing again. I wasnt far away or anything. My blood pressure was just so low, my pulse low, and my breathing shallow are all side effects of the pain medicine they gave me. They finally got me somewhat under control. Around then is when they gave me a pump that fed me medicine every 6 minutes. All I had to was push the button. It was around then I finally got a room.

In the midst of being half awake and half asleep, they allowed Chris to come visit me for 5 minutes. It was probably the 6th hour of me being in ICU. I tried to be so brave for him. I knew they had been waiting almost 9 hours when they were only supposed to be waiting 1 hour. They were scared. I was scared too. I just cried and told him that I have been crying since I woke up. I told him I was sorry. I was really trying to be brave for everyone, most of all me. I didnt want all of the good feelings about this to come crashing down around me. I did not expect any of this. No one did. It was traumatic. All I could say was it hurts. It hurts. He told me to hang on as he always does. He held his composure even though he was walking into a mess. I would not have been able to see him like that. He is so strong. I am so lucky. My mother and him are the dynamic duo, they take care of everything. And my kids, and Lisa, and Jess make sure I have everything else. I am lucky to have them.





So Judy had to go, she had Mikey, and they waited as long as they could. As we all thought, I would be out in an hour and everyone would be able to see me. The kids had to be picked up from school, and Judy had to go because Reatha was coming home. Judy had to take the baby home and also pic up Unc Crae from work. When I finally got a room in the night, I was so out of it, and so tired. I was just glad to be out of intensive care. I got a room by myself. I was so glad. No one else was in there. My doctors were great about seeing me, checking on me. I was only supposed to be in the hospital 1 day. It ended up being 3. I had to stay longer due to my pain.

My pain management doctor came to see me and asked me how I was. She said that they convert everything back to morphine when calculating pain meds. I was up to 300 mg of morphine a day for my pain. My pills were only half that, so they could not just cut me off and then send me home with half strength pain medicine compared to what I was getting. I was telling her about my experience with the pain, and how much it hurt. She also asked me if I had ever seen a orthopedic surgery. I said no. She said it is pretty brutal. She said they have carpenters tools in there. They literally hammer things into place, use all kinds of tools that they normally dont use in a surgery. She told me I had been through a traumatic experience.



I will post about the rest of my stay in another posting. It will about when I got to my room and then on..

Till then,
I call on my angels to give me strength and healing, Amen.
Renee

Time of your life..... By: Green Day

This was one of the best times that we have all ever had. I have a special place in my heart for New Orleans. The music, the people, that dancing. Its a great time to be had, if you can hang...lol.




(This is a picture of Chris, Bronco, Alan, Carol, and myself. We were on our hotel on Bourbon Street on our balcony during Mardi Gras. It was the time of our lives for sure!)


Time of Your Life
Green Day

Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test
and don't ask why.

It's not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.

Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.

For what it's worth,
it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.

(music break)

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.



I hope you had the time of your life.

Nervous

So I can not sleep. I am nervous. I was more nervous for my hysterectomy. If I got through that, this should be a breeze. Still surgery is still nerve-wrecking. I am nervous, but the natural kind. I am so ready to do this, you wouldn't believe. I am coming out bionic. lolololol....

LIVE YOUR LIFE

If I ever had a theme song, this is it..

Live Your Life
By: T.I. & Rihanna

You're gonna be a shining star,
With fancy clothes, fancy car-ars.
And then you'll see, You're gonna go far.
Cause everyone knows, Who you are-are.
So live your life, ay ay ay.
We steady chasing that paper.
Just live your life (Oh! ), Ay ay ay.
Aint got no time for no haters.
Just live your life (Oh! ), Ay ay ay.
No telling where it'll take you.
Just live your life (Oh! ), Ay ay ay.
Cause I'm a paper chaser.
Just living my life.

T.I.:
Never mind what haters say, ignore 'em 'til they fade away
Amazing their ungrateful, after all the game I gave away
Safe to say I paved the way, for you cats to get paid today
You'd still be wasting days away, now had I never saved the day
Consider them my protégé, homage I think they should pay
Instead of being gracious, they violate in a major way
Ive never been a hater, still I love them in a crazy way
Some say they sold ya and no they couldn't get work on Labor day
It ain't that black or white, there's an area in the shade of gray
I'm west side anyway, even if I left today and stayed away
Some move away to make a way, not move away 'cause they afraid
I brought back to the hood and all you ever did was take away
I pray for patience but they make me want to melt their face away
Like I once made them spray, now I could make 'em put the K's away
Been thugging all my life, can't say I don't deserve to take a break
You would rather see me catch a case and watch my future fade away

Rihanna:
You're gonna be a shining star,
With fancy clothes, fancy car-ars.
And then you'll see, You're gonna go far.
Cause everyone knows, Who you are-are.
So live your life, ay ay ay.
We steady chasing that paper.
Just live your life (Oh! ), Ay ay ay.
You got no time for no haters.
Just live your life (Oh! ), Ay ay ay.
No telling where it'll take you.
Just live your life (Oh! ), Ay ay ay.
Cause I'm a paper chaser.
Just living my life.

T.I.:
I'm the opposite of moderate,
Immaculately polished
With the spirit of a hustler
And the swagger of a college kid.
Allergic to the counterfeit,
Impartial to the politics.
Articulate
But still would grab a nigga
By the collar quick.
Whoever had problems,
With their record sales
Just holla TIP.
If that don't work
And all else fails,
Then turn around and follow TIP.
I got love for the game
But hey I'm not in love with all of it.
I can do without the fame
And the rappers nowadays in comedy.
The hootin' and the hollerin',
Back and forth with the arguing.
Where you from,
Who you know,
What you make and
What kind of car you in.
Seems as though you lost sight
Of what's important
When depositing them checks.
Into your bank account,
And you're up out of poverty.
Your values are in disarrayed,
Prioritizing horribly.
Unhappy with your riches
Cause your piss-poor morally.
Ignoring all prior advice
And fore warning.
Now we mighty
Full of ourselves
All of a sudden aren't we?

Rihanna:
You're gonna be
A shining star,
With fancy clothes, And fancy car-ars.
And then you'll see, You're gonna go far.
Cause everyone knows, Who you are-are.
So live your life, Ay ay ay.
We steady chasing that paper.
Just live your life (Oh! ), Ay ay ay.
You got no time for no haters.
Just live your life (Oh! ), Ay ay ay.
No telling where it'll take you.
Just live your life (Oh! ), Ay ay ay.
Cause I'm a paper chaser.
Just living my life (ay), My life (oh), My life (ay), My life (oh)Just living my life (ay), My life (oh), My life (ay), My life (oh)

So live your life.

TI):
Got everybody watchin what I do
Come walk in my shoes
And come see the way I'm livin
If you really want to
Got my mind on my money
And I'm not goin nowhere
So keep on gettin your paper
And keep on climbing
Look in the mirror and keep on shining
Till the game ends, till the clock stops
Were gonna post up on the top spot
Livin the life, the life

In a brand new city got my whole team with me
The life, my life I do what I wanna do
I'm livin my life, my life I will never lose,
I'm livin my life, my life And I'm not stopping
So live your life!

(Rihanna):
You're gonna be a shining star, fancy clothes, fancy car-ars.
And then you'll see, you're gonna go far.
Cause everyone knows, who you are-are.
So live your life, ay ay ay.
We steady chasing that paper.
Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay.
Ain't got no time for no haters
Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay.
No telling where it'll take you.
Just live your life (Oh!), ay ay ay.
Cause I'm a paper chaser.
Just living my life (ay), my life (oh), my life (ay), my life (oh)
Just living my life (ay), my life (oh), my life (ay), my life (oh)

So live your life.!!

I Can See Your Halo

I absolutely love this song. I couldnt listen to it at first because it is so close to what I would say to each and every person who has had any part of helping me in any way. It was very emotional.

I really send this out to my mom. Chris. the kids. Grandma. my sisters. my brothers. You guys have been with me all the way, no matter what. I can never come up with the words that I need to tell you my appreciation. You literally saved my life. In every way.

Also want to dedicate this to a few others, Crae & Judy, Jorge& Janet, Aunt Mary Margaret, Jean Ann, Martha, Susan, Don & Shirley, Father Michael, Doug, Aunts & Uncles from my fathers side who helped with my wedding. Teresa & Cathy, Di, Christina, Cat, Amelia, Clare, Jean... just to personally name a few.

Also my friends. So many of you, you know who you are... love you all!!



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Remember those walls I built?

Well, baby they are tumbling down

And they didn't even put up a fight

They didn't even make a sound

I found a way to let you in

But, I never really had a doubt

Standing in the light of your halo

I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened

Every rule I had, you break it

It's the risk that I'm taking

I ain't never gonna shut you out!

Everywhere I'm looking now

I'm surrounded by your embrace

Baby, I can see your halo

You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more

It's written all over your face

Baby, I can feel your halo

Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo

I can see your halo

I can feel your halo

I can see your halo

Halo, ooh ooh.....

Hit me like a ray of sun

Burning through my darkest night

You're the only one that I want

Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again

But this don't even feel like falling

Gravity can't forget

To pull me back to the ground again

It's like I've been awakened

Every rule I had, you break it

It's the risk that I'm taking

I'm never gonna shut you out!

Everywhere I'm looking now

I'm surrounded by your embrace

Baby, I can see your halo

You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more

It's written all over your face

Baby, I can feel your halo

Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo

I can see your halo

I can feel your halo

I can see your halo

Halo, ooh ooh.....

I can feel your halo

I can see your halo

I can feel your halo

I can see your halo

Halo, ooh ooh.....

Halo, ooh ooh.....

Halo, ooh ooh, ooooh........

Everywhere I'm looking now

I'm surrounded by your embrace

Baby, I can see your halo

You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more

It's written all over your face

Baby, I can feel your halo

I pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo

I can see your halo

I can feel your halo

I can see your halo

Halo, ooh oooh.......

I can feel your halo

I can see your halo

I can feel your halo

I can see your halo

Halo, ooh oooh.......

Pre-op

I went Friday and did my pre-op. Get this. I took myself. Big step for me. I hear the cheers from all my angels! Anyway, they did an EKG, and talked to me about anesthesia. I got outta there around 2 and then we went to Kroger day at Hawaiian Falls. They rented the whole park out. Was fun. I saved my steps the entire week so I could walk around without my cane or crutches. I pretty much stayed in the wave pool and the lazy river. I felt it the next day trust me on that. But it was worth it. My mom was like, my coworkers are going to see you and I wanted them to at least see you with your cane or something. I am like, heck with what everyone thinks. Like, am I supposed to look a certain way because I have this "c" and I should look like I am knocking on deaths door. Hell with that. I will not look sick for anyone just because they think I should look a certain way. Bald, half dead, pale. Whatever. I can tell you now that you will never see me like that! No deal!
I push on, this is a good thing. My choice to do this. Try and stop me!
Wish me luck. Send me angels. Say prayers.

LETS DO THIS!

Love to the masses,
Renee