Monday, May 3, 2010

I have recently started having severe pain in my other leg. The same pain that I originally had in my right leg and its severe. It makes doing everyday things so hard.
It is the same situation when my right leg hurt like this. My femur bone in my right leg showed on the scans that the cancer had eaten almost halfway through my bone and could snap on worst case scenario. How scary is that? How painful is that? My option was the orthopedic surgery. My pain management doctor told me after the surgery that the doctors in there use the same tools as carpenters use to get that rod in there and in the right place. Google orthopedic surgery and see for yourself. They hammer and pry and chisel and whatever else they need to do. Trust me when I woke up I was in intensive care for 9 hours and I was never supposed to even be in there. It hurt so terribly that I cried the entire time, none of the pain meds worked, and I saw the staff change shifts before I got any comfort from the pain. They finally installed a pump that went off every 6 minutes. Luckily, I started climbing uphill very quickly after that. Once I was able to get my bearings, the rehabilitation and physical therapy department came to visit. They showed me how to climb stairs, and how to get into my house. Several things that I had to be careful of and get used to again. I was cleared from the physical therapy department but they ended up keeping me an extra night due to all the pain I experienced.
Anyway, I came home the next day and my right leg is doing great. I know the steel rod works because it supports me as I need. It has probably fused with my bone and I think is doing very well. The pain of it fusing is still there. I do still experience pain in my right leg but it is pain that I can take.
It feels like to me that my left leg is experiencing pain now and I wanted the scans done to see whats going on...good or bad..
So last weekend my mom and sister and I went on a celebration to Toni & Guy Salon to get our hair cut, styled, and colored as a celebration that we didn't have to shave our heads after all. No chemo, no bald heads. It was also time to donate our hair to Locks of Love anyways. So they worried about me being able to stand being at the beauty shop all day. I said this is a celebration and there is nothing that can keep me from getting my summer cut. My view is if I just stay here and sit here in pain then that wont be good. I at least can get my hair cut like a normal person, and if the pain got unbearable I would have stepped out. Most of the time it is so intense that it does bring me to tears. Although I have been able to do breathing exercises and do the best I can to calm down until it subsides. I loaded up on pain pills this day for
So the next thing is they will scan me and tell me how much of my femur bone that the cancer has eaten and if I will need the surgery that I had on my right leg, I am guessing that is in my future for my left leg as well.
I was trying to cut down on all the pills I have to take, I was going to make it where I didn't need anymore pain pills. The pain pills make it subside, its in the background just for long enough to do little things here and there. I often times must listen to my body and go sit down. It doesn't matter if I am done or not done doing my tasks. A chore is never more important than your health and being in pain. I am so stubborn at times and I say, I am not going to let it keep me down. If I don't grin and bear it then in a sense I feel its winning. I often push through and take those few more steps whether I have to cry to do it I will. I am not going to sit by and let my bones just be eaten alive and not try to strengthen them or do what I can to make my muscles stronger.
I know I wouldn't even be able to get up at all if I didn't have those pills to help me get up. And I hate pills. I have gotten so good at it I can take 10-20 pills at a time. I know my next oncology appt is coming up and I have been trying to make it until then. I try to tolerate everything. I know I can only do that for so long, I must get this leg scanned. I know that is what I need. I will let you know what they say....