Sunday, May 24, 2009

MY First Mountain MOVED

I thought I would share my first accomplishment related to my cancer. Well the first one is the most important to me so far. This was a challenge I made against myself. I chose the people to have with me on that special night. Chris, my mom, Alan, and Carol. My mom was there babysitting for me and we had a bottle of champagne to open for when we got back from the party to celebrate with her (my mom).

Reasoning for picking them to share my special moment:

Alan has always been a great guy, and has done so much for me over the years. I always loved talking with him about anything and everything doing with business, and life in general. I never told him, but if I ever had a dad, he is everything I would have wished for. When I had to choose a day to induce my labor for Kristen, it happened to be March, and it happened to be in the span that included March19th, which is Alan's bday. So I chose Alan's bday. She happened to come before that, but it is written in her chart that she was scheduled to be born on the 19th. He was also there on my original wedding when Chris and I got hitched in Vegas. He drove us to the airport (since they couldnt go) which (to me) was his way of walking me down the Its silly to say... I knew him before Carol did. My mother introduced them to each other. My old stepdad, Lisa's dad knew a guy named Dino, who knew Alan and brought him over to our house one time when he visited. After that he came over a few times and visited. They used to work out with Lewis or like that. neways.. After she got to know him well enough, my mom thought he would be perfect for her sister Carol. So she introduced them. They have been together ever since. Carol used to babysit us (my sister and I) for my mom. My mom has 12 brothers and sisters of all ages so while some are off in different cities or working, the ones that are around are the ones you remember the most from your childhood. No fault of their own, they are just off living. I knew Carol to be one of the cool aunts. When your a kid you remember who was cool to you or when someone is mean to you. Hence, they (Alan & Carol)have been around me since I was a kid. Later....Alan hit it off really well with Chris. It was a given that I get along with Carol. We ended up doing everything together. Birthdays, Friday night dinners, Mardi Gras, Journey concerts, , movies, hanging out as each others houses, the State Fair, you name it, we did it. Time flew. I never thought about it but before we know it over 10 years goes by. Heck Christopher was about 2-3 years old, and he is about to be 16 so you do the math.

I dont think anyone (even Chris) realized what a special day that was for me. It was the first time I felt like maybe I would be ok. It was the first mind over matter experience for me. I just wouldnt accept that I may not ever walk again. I would not accept that I would never dance again, as corny as that sounds. I would not accept that I would be confined to a chair or a bed when I have so much to do.

When I was first diagnosed and had radiation on my lower spine and abdomen it made the nerve pain and the pain down my legs unbearable. I could not stand, I could not walk, I could not sit up straight. When I had to take a shower I would just stand there and cry because I wasnt able to stand for any length of time without my leg seizing up. I would take a few steps and then I would seize up. I would try to sit down and it was painful. I had to do this slouching position. I had such a hard time then because it was so sudden. I couldn't drive, I couldn't do anything. All this started in April 07 right from the get go.

The Christmas of 06, Chris's company threw the best, most lavish party there ever was. It was at the Four Seasons, they rented out every ballroom and turned it into a theme in every room type deal. Full food, full service bar, live band and a dance floor to boot. We went in 06, and it was the most fun Chris and I have had in a long time. When all this happened, I couldn't believe that I may not be able to dance at the party coming up this year in 07. So that was it. I told Chris that I would be walking, and dancing by this years Christmas party, no questions asked.

This gave me target date to shoot for and a mini goal to reach for. The months pass by, I finished my 16 radiation treatments. To tell you the extent of my radiation, it made me baron, unable to bear any more children. Hard pill to swallow. Also the level of radiation I would have needed to completely eradicate the cancer on my spine would have paralyzed me. The radiation oncologist gave me the dosage he could. After that, I went to pain management, I did everything I could to try to figure out a way around this pain. I felt that the pain management I had at the time did not have any affect... I talk about that in another posting...anyways

So all the while my sister gets me a walker, and I refused to use it. I asked my grandmother to carve me a cane (she is a woodcarver) and she did. Its a beautiful cane, and still I refused to use it. When I would use it, it would hurt worse. I was overcompensating from what the doc said. I didnt want my body to get used to bending all sorts of wierd ways just to walk..

SO I just pushed on. I walked no matter what, hurt or not. I would commit to walking the few blocks to pick up Kristen at school everyday. Making sure I have sunglasses on, for when the tears came. I never let her see me cry.

Along comes the special day, and we can think of no other to invite than my Uncle Alan, and my aunt Carol who up until recently have been a constant presence in our lives . Many a dinner, many a night, many a bottle of wine has been spent with them. We took pictures together that night, that I let Alan & Carol take home with them. Maybe they will post it sometime....


My aunt Mary took me to get a manicure, and pedicure, my uncle (hairdresser, Stanley Korshak) cut my hair for me, and I went to get a dress and shoes for the formal night.

Folks, I did it. I went to that Christmas party and danced the night away. They called us on stage to dance, and I was like come on Carol lets go. She said no she didnt want to go. Sorry I had to leave her standing there, because there was no way I wasnt going to jump on stage and celebrate the fact that I can even dance without breaking down in tears, without having to endure pain in secret so no has a bad time, that I can even dance at all. I was the first one up there then the flood gates opened. A bunch of girls followed. You know how it takes one person to get the party started then every one else that wanted to go but was too shy, gets up and comes out. Well I will be the one to get the party started, you can count on that! I can say later, maybe after a few drinks loosened her up, she finally got up there and danced.

It didn't matter, I made it. I was walking. I was standing. I was dancing. It was the most special day I have had in a long time. A night to remember.

Coast to Coast AM

I wanted to share with you that I got onto the radio not to long ago. If anyone knows me or my grandmother, they know we are fans of the late night talk show Coast to Coast Am. It touches on all kinds of subjects from paranormal, to scientific, government, to other dimensions, to time travel.. the list goes on. You would be fascinated by some of the items discussed on this program. Being as my grandma is a night owl like myself, and the fact that I haven't exactly slept in 2 years... I stay up late and I find myself tuning in. Well on March 27, 2009 there was a lady on the program by the name of Diana Cooper. She explained how she got cancer in her twenties with no history and how it was a life changing experience. She ended up believing in angels and communicating with angels. She was talking and I was listening to what she was saying about being able to call on angels for things as small as help with a parking space. That all we had to do was ask. She also said that we can send angels to other people in need, and also call upon them ourselves at any time. I said ok, if this is true, then I want to get through to the show tonight. I call on the Angels to get me on the radio. So I waited for them to give the number out, and I called. And I called until I got a ring. I got an answer and they put me on hold to talk to George Noory! Anyone who knows this show knows this is a big deal. I waited and I waited, and then I hear, this is Renee in Dallas.... I couldnt believe it. I was on the radio, first time caller, worldwide program, and I got through. So I told them very briefly what the deal was, and asked for everyone listening to send an angel my way tonight. She told me that just by asking I automatically got angels sent to me, not to mention the ones being sent by others. She told me that I was going through this because I needed to slow down. She told me that I had the power to heal myself. I couldnt believe that I got through. There was enough of a delay that I got to hang up, and then hear myself back again. It was so cool. I cant tell you the sense of overwhelming calm and joy that overtook me. I could feel the angels all around me. I could feel the care of the world upon my shoulders. It felt pretty great. I cant even describe the feeling. It must be what heaven feels like. Like love multiplied by thousands. The cool thing is alot of people that dont stay up late can download the show and lots of people listen at all times of the day. So I knew and felt the angels being sent to me not only that night, but still by the people listening later. You can still listen to it if you wanted to. I am dubbing a copy for my grandma. It was my proof of angels all around me. Needless to say, I will ask all of you to send me an angel, send me and angel, right now.... right now... ok did anyone else burst into song there... 80's music at its best... anyway... This Diana Cooper also had some pretty cool things to say about unicorns too... but that for another post.
I thought it was pretty cool, ask and I received. I didnt need proof. I know that there are angels and that I have heavily depended on every bit on my angels, guides, spirits, and guidance, that I can. Lord knows I have needed it.

I call on Jesus, angels, My Saint, Archangel Raphael, to heal me, mind body and soul. I ask that you watch over each and every person who reads this blog as we all seek to do better within ourselves and within the world. I am here to answer your call. Amen. Dont be afraid to call on your angels, your hope. It makes everything a little bit brighter, a little bit more bearable.
According to Lakewood Church, and Pastor Joel Osteen all you need to do is say, Jesus, I bring you into my heart. I make you my Lord and Saviour... to start a new. I have said it and said it. I mean it too. And hey people shunned Jesus too, so I am in good company right? Love to the masses!