Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Back in the Public

Hi guys,
I am so glad to have readers again. I have really just been posting different thoughts, songs when no one was on. So I figured since you are here for an update, I would give you the latest.
I have been feeling really good lately. I get tired sometimes but I think that is to be expected. Chris says my body is fighting. In that case, I will sleep till Im healed..lol. I had a hysterectomy in March. 1 year folks. Its been a year and I feel better now than I did at the beginning that for sure. Last year was hell on earth. I show a brave face for family. Hardly anyone has seen or will see me when I am down. I will put on a happy face for any of my people. I enjoy seeing my friends and family and I think in a way it rejuvenates me. I go for my infusion tomorrow. Good thing is since I had the hysterectomy, I dont have to get the shot in the stomach anymore. They took everything. Whatever is producing estrogen, I wanted out of me. This is what is feeding it and I wont help it thats for sure. I also have had hope with the lump in my breast. It is getting smaller and smaller to myself and my doc. It is definitely smaller than when this all began. It felt rock hard and like a little ball inside. Not so much anymore. I am glad that it isnt getting bigger. The doc measures it with her little tool and she says it. I dont say anything, to lead her on or to give her an idea. The last time she said it all on her own. This is my new doc. Mainly because of distance. Also I have a female now, and she specializes in Breast Oncology. It is exactly where Im supposed to be. I really like her. I also am taking part in an exercise program. She believes that it has a big part to do with recovery and remission. I told her whatever helps the cause I am willing. Someone needs to start charting this miracle! Anyways, I do still go for infusions. It is considered chemo. I still say infusion. It is the bone treatment. I am being studied due to my back, and also the exercise study. I sometimes feel like a science project. I did have other news about a new spot, but I dont believe it to be true. Ii believe it to be a false reading from the scan. I wont believe anything until they do another scan exactly like the one I had last time and then compare the 2. I considered going back to work. I went, got the job, went for all the screenings that they do and then didnt go. When it came down to it, I do try to go to fast and I dont know if I am rushing myself. It would be stupid if I went back, then they laid me off or I had to quit cause I couldnt do it anyways. I waited too long for my disability to kick in for me to just go screw it up. I do have other plans though. And I couldnt be more excited about it. Maybe I will post it on my next posting. I prefer to do then talk. You will find out about it after I get finished. Thats always how it goes. I still have a regular regiment of pills I take. I do believe they are close to perfect to the right combination of medicine. I take one that if I miss a dose or run out, I severely withdrawl. Its the worst feeling in the world. I ran out of medicine not too long ago, and had the worst 3 days I have had in a long time. I had cold sweat, the shivers when I am hot, and I just cried and cried. I couldnt make it. I finally called the nurse and she told me that it was because I was out of meds. I had an appt with her the next day so I told myself I would get it then. I would have been up there sooner if I would have known I would feel like that. Even now, if I take my meds before bed, and then sleep past the time I am supposed to take them, I will start cold sweating and just break down. It really sucks. Chris has been right here to make sure I have my meds thank God. He takes such good care of me. A few months ago, I hit rock bottom because of the pills. Moreso the combination of all the pills. I went off the deep end, and wasnt myself. I thank Chris that he is my punching bag when I need it. I have had some major disappointments as well. Mostly with family, mostly with posers who act like family.
Anyways, Im not wasting my digits on that. Christopher chose to do summer semester as the college. They also ended up having classes for the littler kids up there, so I signed Kristen up for Martial arts at the college too. I told her she goes to college too. She loves it. Well I have to say hi to my cousins who graduated this year. I know we dont talk much cause we are so busy, but I am more than proud of you guys!! More soon...