Monday, June 29, 2009


I am looking for a new way of grounding myself. The whole, I have to slow down thing. I have been restless since my surgery, its tough to recover and have to sit around when things need to be done. I am ordered to rest and stay off of my leg, and all this, and I just cant get it through my thick skull. Its my refusal to accept anything less. I know now that the disappointments that I have felt or been through are only there because something better is coming. It also goes back to control. If I try to control everything then when will I have a chance to sit back and let good things happen to me. I do the control thing because we have a choice. And I make a choice. Making a choice and being controlling are one and the same thing when it comes down to it. I am being forced to sit back, relax, and heal. Done, Done and Done!


One thing I have learned is that my former life was all about other people. I learned that my whole life was taking care of other people. I never took care of myself. I made sure my responsibilities were taken care of. I worked. I never worked at a job that I wasnt a master at. I am a sought after in my field. In several fields I built a name for myself and capitalized off of it. Its what I taught myself to do since my first job. Also, being an assistant, executive and personal, its what I was paid for as well. I took care of others not only in my personal life but its what I was paid to do at times. I started to not take care of myself I guess. Not on purpose, but I just always found something that I thought was more important than what I needed. Its not cool. I am an important part of my family and their everyday. I am depended upon. If I dont take care of myself then the whole thing crumbles which is something that most working mothers and wife's don't think about. Its very important to realize this before something major happens. Even if its a cold, you need to slow down and take care of yourself. ITS A MUST!