Monday, August 31, 2009

It Inches Closer

Boy have the feelings been flowing about this surgery. It so tough. More and more everyday I know its something that I have to do. I go back and forth everyday. Chris just basically layed it on the line and asked me if he had to beg me to stay with him. It hit me so hard. So many people are right with me, hurting with me, happy with me, or just there to talk if I need it. I always have to be conscious of the fact that I not only go through this for myself, I go through this so I can be here for the people around me on the other end of this. So many tears. So many anxieties about what is yet to come. I am in charge of my fate, and I am not going anywhere. I remind myself that the fight is in me, and I have to stand up to the challenge. I don't care how many times I get knocked down, I WILL get back up. I will be battered, bruised, crying, clawing, and out of breath, and as long as I am still breathing I have to remember that. This is why I scheduled my leg surgery so quick. The time is what gets to me. Waiting. More waiting. I have to know that this is right for me. I am ready to begin healing. I am ready to reach the top of my mountain. I am tired of the climb. I am ready to start climbing down now. I made it through another day. Thats all that matters.