Thursday, July 15, 2010
One of the things they did to me while I was in the hospital was a nerve block. They tried to do a spinal block which caused them to push on my spine to make sure which bone was which. It was all good until they got to my lower spine and they pushed so hard on the part where my tumors are that I went into my surgery crying. They were not able to do it through my spine after all that, they ended up doing a groin nerve pinch which just meant that it was on my upper thigh on the inside. They ended up being successful with that, but it ended up meaning that I did not regain full control of my leg until about 2 days. I couldnt feel anything, I guess that was a good thing. So since I went into my surgery crying, I woke up crying as well. It was a tough experience to go through, and I am just not able to speak about it. I could not believe how hard they pressed on my back, it made my leg tingle which was weird. So that is one part I can share with you right now. I try not to remember the difficult times, but if I dont share them everyone thinks that what I go through isnt hard or difficult just because I dont complain. I take everything in stride and I deal with it if I have to. I dont think anyone appreciates the simplicity of that but I do. I have faith and I will never complain about what I am dealing with. Its life, I deal with it day by day just like everyone else.
at 1:12 AM
I have been through a lot this year. Many people have shown their true colors in my life when I dont do anything to anyone but try to live another day. For some reason family is a subject in my life I never thought I would have a problem with. Maybe by me not thinking I had anything to worry about something went wrong. All I know is if I told you that I had family members texting me ugly messages while I was in the hospital for 5 days would you bellieve it. I did. Close family members too. It was not ok and I do not appreciate how judgemental everyone seems to be all the sudden. I have always said that I am here for anyone, anytime but since my diagnosis, no one really talks to me about their problems or issues. I guess they dont want to add anything to what I am already going through. I keep in contact with my real friends and people that know and love me or me and I am fine with that. I dont judge anyone, and I dont spread gossip although that is what every hater tries to do to me. For some reason I have a problem in my life when it comes to some people. I have always said that if you dont want me in your life that its fine with me, I have really seen that jumping to conclusions and being judgemental about someone is definately the wrong thing to do. Maybe remembering that everyone is going through something and maybe smiling at others instead of being scared to talk to people maybe would make this world a little better place.
at 12:17 AM