Friday, April 2, 2010

Learning Process

There is no doubt that I am learning a lot. From medical, to spiritual, to holistic, to internal, to family dynamics, to everything else under the sun and then more things you never even thought of. I take it all in stride. I am about to hear about my chemo. I say that I am ready with all the force I can. In the back of my mind I am scared though. I know I am strong, but I also know that somewhere in there I am scared the wimp in me will show up and not be able to handle what is going on. I get overwhelmed when I think of that situation too much. I end up taking it day by day. I got the bill for my radiation. Its over 50K. And with a healthy bill of 2-3K a month for medicine, we are having a fine time keeping everything going and staying with our heads above water. I haven't even done chemo yet Its nothing to me. I know the value of me being on this earth with my kids and whatever it takes is what is going to be done. I am not scared when I put it in those terms or think of it on that level. I have no plans to leave my kids and my husband behind when they need me. There is no question where I am supposed to be. I love life right now and I plan to enjoy these beautiful days that we have been so kindly given. Love. Live. Learn!