Monday, December 21, 2009

Today is OK

Today has been an ok day for me. I got to spend some time this morning with Christopher. He still comes to lay in my bed when he wakes up and I just love it. I am a big fan of the things you do out of love and not even know it. Just being there together.
I had musical therapy today. I just have music that I love, that makes me feel good, and that I love to sing or dance to. I love music. I cant tell you how many times it has made me feel better. Some songs remind me who I am... that must be why I like them. And when I need gangter rap I listen to Tupac and Ice Cube... lol... really.. I do. Owell its all good. I love it all.
I dont have any other goals right now other than being happy. I want to feel happiness every day. I have been doing so much crying because of all of this. Not really just whaling but silently, alone, I have moments of weakness... of how or why. I am reminded of my faith at those times. If there is one thing my grandmother Caster has taught me is to have faith. She is my mentor, my role model. She has been through quite alot in her time too, and she has always made it through... I am reminded of that when I feel like giving up.
I am reminded every day who I am. I am forced to know every little thing that happens to me so I can report it to the doctors. I dont know if this is what they call living normally but it isnt to me. Its not easy to put your life on hold while everyone else's goes on around you. I just try to stay positive and like I said.. one day at a time. If it takes something easy like hearing from on old friend or a song to bring me out of my funk then that is where I am at now. I am trying to build up my strength, I think I am going to need it...