Thursday, July 16, 2009
I post alot about my struggles and tribulations, but it occurred to me that I have never written directly about my strengths. My willpower, dedication, resolve, hope, faith, openness, and my overall strength when it comes to getting myself better. Its not a choice. Its an easy decision for me to fight and be here when I am needed. I do not back down. I will not back down. The Lord already knew I was very strong or he wouldnt give me this to deal with now. I didnt believe it was possible to be stronger but boy am I. I mastered the part of life that deals with providing and being there for my kids. I am now being taught the human condition. Compassion. Love. I have always been kind and concerned for others. Now its being taken to a whole new level. I know that I just need to show kindness and empathy for others not only myself. Its a sad, lonely world when all you have is yourself. I have so many people who care for me. Lose a couple from my life and gain a thousand more. I know that I am cared for, I know that I am loved. The people who are truly here for me, not what I can get them, are still here and they still show me they are here for me. They dont even have to do one thing but say hi. Its not so hard to just say hi to someone, let them know, hey Im here if you need me. People try to take on too much, they try to handle everything themselves. I am the queen of that. But its ok, I carry the load. I know what I am doing. When I thrown a curveball, I just have to adjust. Accept. Know. And move on. I have faith in the Lord. Just say the word and I shall be healed. My love of Jesus, my faith in the angels that surround me has never been stronger. I love my church, I love Father Michael. I love the support I get from my fellow church members. Hugs, love, prayers, good will.. thats what really counts. People think its all about money. What you think you did for me at this time or that...and you should be recognized on a silver platter. If thats how you feel then why did you even do anything for me to begin with. The smartest man on the planet, my pa, Ascension Bravo used to say the best phrase I have ever heard... He would say "I do not do favors, I do it out of the kindness of my heart, I expect nothing in return" I live my life by that saying. I miss that man. I loved that man. I took care of him the last years of his life Chris and I cared for him, made sure he was fed, made sure he had what he needed the last years of his life. So before I had to endure my trials, I cared for my father when he was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and he knew the end was coming. Stroke after Stroke he was finally taken from us in 2000. No help from anyone. His daughters werent even talking to him when they knew he was dying. I was the only one there. They are lucky the last couple of months that I called them and asked them to come back because I needed help, or they would not have the last memories they do with him. I only say it because its the truth. I needed help and I thought it was pretty shitty and I did something about it. Now they can say they say they had time with him before he passed. I wish he was still here. I miss him terribly. And one life out, my pa, and one life in, Kristen. She was born 3 months after he passed, and she misses him and didnt even meet him. She always saw him when she was a baby. More than once she would call out for grampa when no one was there. We have had some experiences with him visiting. I hear I am not the only one. He visited Chris's sister too in spirit form. Hey, there is a place after this, a heaven if you will. I am not scared no matter what happens. I have made peace with my life, with my God, with my husband, my kids, my sisters, my friends, and my family. Of course there is always those few who still are stuck up and think they need drama or a fued. They dont realize they are just fueding with themselves. Its something everyone has to learn, and I guess I am just more advanced than the grown ups around me. Its something I have to live with...darn..lol... My white light has never shined brighter, my lifeforce has never been stonger, the love I receive has never been better. I am blessed.
at 2:57 PM