Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Taking it All In

As I sit here working on a couple of websites I am doing, I think about the heavy decisions that weigh on my mind. I have so much invested in this life, I refuse to miss out on the good stuff. I am so pissed that they make me go on this roller coaster. I would have been better prepared for hearing the actual no. I know its for the best. I was just kinda hoping that I could combine 2 surgeries if I could. I have to get another, and another, and another surgery is what is alot for me to handle. We have gone along pretty well where my kids arent effected by what happens around them. I dont let them see me cry. Under any circumstances. I want them to always know I am a fighter, and I am fighting as best I can. If it takes saying good bye to the parts of me that need to go, then that is what it takes. I am scared to death, dont get me wrong. I am more nervous on this surgery than any other I have had. I dont know how to feel about it. I will be different. This is too much for me to wrap my head around. I am shaking in my skin. What am I going to do now?